


write you like a love song

by tamamushigami



Category: Johnny's Entertainment, SixTONES (Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-17
Updated: 2019-09-17
Packaged: 2020-10-20 19:47:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamamushigami/pseuds/tamamushigami
Summary: A relationship is like an unfinished song. They just have to write theirs.





	write you like a love song

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lady_Michiru](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lady_Michiru/gifts).

> Written for [je_united](https://je-united.livejournal.com/51704.html).
> 
> "Dear Micchan, I couldn’t write everything you wanted, despite the amazing prompts, so sadly I had to narrow it down. Apologizes if it’s way off the mark, but hopefully there’s something in it that you like! Special thanks to my beta for putting up with my ramblings last minute <3"
> 
> Finally reposting this OTL

He had planned to spend a few hours alone in their dressing room, trying to focus on composing a few new songs and some lyrics, but life planned otherwise.  
  
A few seconds earlier, Hokuto had stormed in, clearly upset and by the faint redness around his eyes, he had been crying too. Taiga had barely heard him come in until the door slammed shut, harsh and abrupt. It was then he looked up from his papers and pulling his headphones off slightly.  
  
With confused eyes, mixed with a bit of curiosity, he turned to look at the source of distraction. He saw a blur of how Hokuto made quick steps through the room towards the couch, and when he saw how Hokuto threw himself onto the couch without any care, music suddenly didn’t matter as much.  
  
He glances over at the younger, taking in the exhausted form on the couch and frowns. Hokuto knew he’d be here. Everyone knew he’d be here after practice. There shouldn’t be any particular reason Hokuto would willingly choose this place, especially with him here.  
  
Taiga suspects it has something to do with Hokuto’s boyfriend, because he’s the only one who makes Hokuto this visibly upset. Hokuto has never talked about his relationship with Taiga in person, but Taiga knows, because he’s been watching Hokuto since forever.  
  
His train of thoughts stumble back to reality as the main character of his thoughts turn over and meets his eyes. Taiga’s lips form a thin line as he sees how dull Hokuto’s eyes are, how they’ve lost the spark they usually have. Hokuto barely blinks as they look at each other, only sighs deeply. (Taiga swears he can hear his voice tremble.)  
  
Hokuto sighs once again before turning over, the staring contest no longer interesting (or if it ever was), and Taiga is set on continuing with his scoresheet when his phone buzzes.  
  
_H: you look worried_  
  
Trust Hokuto to not speak up. But it’s fine, the silence is much more comfortable. He puts his pencil aside as he picks up his phone to reply.  
  
_T: I’m not the one looking like the world has ended — which it hasn’t FYI, in case you’ve missed it._  
  
He can hear a faint snort behind him, which means Hokuto isn’t sulking at least. Maybe a bit upset, but not sulking. It takes him a few minutes before he types another message, as Hokuto doesn’t respond.  
  
_T: Do you want to talk about it?_  
  
His fingers hover over the Send button, not quite sure if he should send it. After all, why would Hokuto confide in him? It’s really none of his business but at the same time, Hokuto isn’t the one who’d cry over nothing — that’s Jesse’s job. So, he sends it anyway.

  
  
The all too familiar sound of a received message fills the room and shortly after, a crash. Taiga whips his head around, alarmed, and sees Hokuto face down on the floor. There’s a low groan and he’s by the younger’s side in two steps.  
  
”Are you okay?”  
  
”... I have been better,” Hokuto mutters as he gives up trying to get up.  
  
”How did you even fall?” Taiga blinks, and genuinely wondering how. Hokuto mutters something incoherent in reply as he puts his arm over his face. ”Sorry, I didn’t catch that?”  
  
”You surprised me...”  
  
He realizes Hokuto is hiding his face right now because he is embarrassed over this fact and Taiga can’t help but think how adorable he is.  
  
”That’s cute,” he says and chuckles lightly, holding his hand out for Hokuto take.  
  
”What’s cute?”  
  
”You’re embarrassed.”  
  
”No, _I am not_,” he wheezes, but takes the hand nonetheless with a pout. _Cute._

  
  
As he pulls Hokuto up, he can see how emotionally drained the other is. Aside from the redness around the eyes, the obvious signs from stress and exhaustion is bright as daylight. Whatever his boyfriend has done this time, it’s definitely something Taiga would never do.  
  
He’s about to let go of his hand and let him sit back on the couch when Hokuto falls into his personal space, head falling onto his shoulder.  
  
Hokuto draws a breath and lets it out slowly and Taiga feels his own body freeze due to the tickling feeling of Hokuto’s breath against his exposed skin on his shoulder. He wonders if he should hug the other or not, or if it would be overstepping the invisible boundary between them.  
  
It takes him about three seconds before he casts his worries away and wraps his free arm around the younger, pulling him closer into a proper embrace before he puts his head gently on Hokuto’s. Hokuto barely reacts, just lets himself be guided into Taiga’s arms.  
  
Taiga feels how Hokuto clenches his hand in his, if it’s out of comfort or approval, he doesn’t know, doesn’t care. He doesn’t consider himself as the best man to lean on, often preferring to watch rather than meddle, but he does know how to comfort someone.  
  
”You don’t have to tell me anything,” he murmurs as he runs his thumb over Hokuto’s knuckles. He realizes it might come off like he doesn’t care, his tone not as soft and reassuring as he wanted it to be but when he feels Hokuto’s muffled gasp for air, he knows the other understood him right. _If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to._  
  
It takes Hokuto exactly five seconds to burst into tears, for the dam to break. His hands come up to clutch at Taiga’s shirt, thankfully his rehearsal one, as if the older man was his only lifeline. The words don’t register in Taiga’s head, all of Hokuto’s ramblings through his sniffles turning into muffled sounds. The tears don’t seem to stop and as Taiga suspected, Hokuto’s state has to do with his boyfriend.  
  


In the midst of the ramblings, there’s something about stepping on the wrong stones, and expectations gone wrong. It’s everything Taiga needs to hear to feel that Hokuto doesn’t deserve this. His boyfriend never deserved Hokuto.  
  
For each word Hokuto speaks, Taiga feels anger and regret. Anger because it shouldn’t be like this, regret because he should have done something. He shouldn’t have been such a coward about his own feelings.  
  
As Hokuto opens his heart to Taiga, there’s little sadness and more anger in his voice. Taiga suspects the other is past the self-blaming part of the breakup.  
  
“It’s not much to ask for when all you want is someone who lets you be tired? Is it?”  
  
Taiga is not quite sure if he should answer his question or if it’s purely rhetorical, but then he feels Hokuto starting to shake. He pulls him closer, his hand on the back of Hokuto’s head, pushing it closer. He prays Hokuto doesn’t notice how his grip tightens. Because the last thing he wants is Hokuto being sad.  
  
“No, it’s not,” he simply breathes out. Because he feels the same. Whoever Hokuto’s boyfriend is — was, he can go and screw himself. They might not be the best of friends, or even friends at some points, but they’ve definitely passed the stage of acquaintances and mere group mates. He knows Hokuto is a great guy. Hell, if anyone knows that, it would be him.  
  


  
Through the years, he’s been struggling to understand what he’s feeling for their resident book nerd fashionista. The conclusion is that it’s not a crush, but it’s not quite love either. It’s not just mere interest in the other for being a mystery.  
  
It’s more of freezing on the spot when he throws a look at Hokuto during rehearsals, or when he suddenly laughs at something someone said. Sometimes it’s wondering if the other has slept enough when he arrives later than usual. Sometimes it is eyes lingering a second too long when they change clothes together.  
  
It’s more of being too afraid to break the invisible line they have between them – they’re not supposed to get along. Through the years, he’s been doing his best to put a lid on his feelings. Because Hokuto has never shown any interest in him before. Even so, his affection for Hokuto remains solid.  
  
In times like these, there’s a lot Taiga wants to do with Hokuto. That much he’s ready to admit, and sometimes it’s scary. Because there’s not a lot he _wouldn’t_ do with Hokuto. Seeing the other so heartbroken, angry and upset like this fuel all these feelings, making them boil and spill over. Making him want to let Hokuto know how appreciated he is, how wonderful he is, and how weak he is for him.  
  
It’s scary how much his own feelings confuse him and how he knows he shouldn’t be feeling like this. Even so, he can’t seem to help feeling like this.  
  
To anyone else, it might be called love, but to Taiga, it is not. He doesn’t dare to call it love, not just yet.  
  
”We fought. Again, and again. I don’t know how we even lasted this long,” Hokuto mutters against his chest, a faint chuckle escaping. The low rumbling of his voice almost makes Taiga shiver.  
  
The words die slowly on Hokuto’s lips, but Taiga understands. Breakups are never fun and with their jobs, finding someone who understands is hard. The last thing anyone of them wants is someone who doesn’t appreciate their hard work.  
  
”I’m so tired,” he continues, a quiet sob ending his sentence.  
  
Hokuto’s words pull at his heart, all his buried feelings coming back like a tidal wave, like they never were buried at all. They’re stronger than ever, knowing that Hokuto is available and hurting. It would be so easy to give Hokuto the affection he craves, riding on the vulnerable state the younger is in, but it wouldn’t mean anything. It would only serve as comfort, and he’s not sure he’s ready for it to be just comfort.  
  
He settles on hugging the other closer until Hokuto’s breathing returns to a normal, steady rhythm.  
  
”Thank you,” Hokuto whispers as he draws back from the embrace, neither sadness nor anger apparent in his eyes anymore. Taiga’s arm falls to his side as he shrugs, words light despite his internal emotional rollercoaster.  
  
”Don’t mention it.”  
  
It feels so empty when Hokuto leaves his side, and he prays he didn’t imagine Hokuto’s hand lingering in his before letting it go. He doesn’t look at Taiga as he picks up his bag from the floor, neither does he say anything, but Taiga knows that Hokuto feels better now, if only a little.  
  
They barely share any other words than a simple ”see you tomorrow” when Hokuto leaves and Taiga stands by his chair.  
  
His eyes linger on the door Hokuto left through, wondering if it’s really okay. If Hokuto really is okay. He grips the chair so hard his knuckles are turning white and before he breaks something. He takes a deep breath. It’s none of his business. It’s never been.

  
  
The songs on the table stays untouched for the rest of the day. Only one song gets an opening chord.

  
  
The coming weeks is nothing out of the ordinary, though he swears he sees Hokuto spare him one glance more than usual. Unfortunately, Taiga sports the most annoying headache on one particular late rehearsal day. He’s surviving the noise his group mates produce without a problem, years of experiences helping him tune them out, but when the silence hits him, it’s throbbing like crazy and almost making him see black.  
  
This time, it’s his turn to throw himself onto the couch. He had wanted to continue working on his songs, the verses finally coming to him, just one more beat. He can’t even keep his eyes open without hurting and the painkillers don’t even work. He groans and wishes the earth could just swallow him whole.  
  
Then, there’s a hand in his hair. The feeling of someone detangling his barely messed-up hair sends shivers through his body, but it feels so good. Every stroke incredibly soothing and calming his throbbing headache. It’s just the perfect amount of pressure against his scalp and he can’t help but let out an appreciative noise, something close to a small whine.  
  
”I got you,” Hokuto’s voice rumbles low in a whisper. ”I locked the door, so you can rest without anyone disturbing you.”  
  
For some reason, Hokuto’s voice is not hurting his head at all. On the contrary, he wants to hear more of it. Not only because Hokuto’s voice is one of the most alluring and captivating voices he’s heard from their generation, so different from his own and he wants to hear it more, but for that sole reason, it’s helping him focus.  
  
”Keep on talking,” He opens his eyes slowly and sees how Hokuto goes slightly shocked at his words. He knows neither of them is a good talker, especially not together, but he can’t help his selfishness. It’s not like he’d get angry if Hokuto left him like this. He’s ready for the hand to disappear any second, but it never does.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
It’s all it takes for Taiga to close his eyes, to relax into Hokuto’s touch. Then, Hokuto starts telling him stories. Truth to be told, it’s not stories but more of random happenings thrown together. Hokuto’s voice makes him ignore the throbbing, the low timbre sounding like messy sheets in the morning. The couch dips as Hokuto sits down, hand never leaving his hair, and the warmth Hokuto emits feels like an open fire during a winter’s night. He can feel his head being moved gently, and before he knows it, he’s fast asleep in Hokuto’s lap.  
  
Like that, the last beat of the verse is complete.  
  
When he wakes up, Hokuto is still there, but his hand has stilled and simply rests on his head. He feels a bit dizzy still from the headache, but he tries his best to force himself awake. At least awake enough to make Hokuto notice it.  
  
The other acknowledges him with a soft ruffle through his hair before asking him to give him a moment. Taiga hums satisfactorily as Hokuto’s fingers continues to play with his hair.  
  


A few minutes pass in silence, the soft tapping on Hokuto’s phone is the only sound filling the room. It’s all so comforting, feeling so right, so easy to speak up and tell Hokuto everything. Taiga forces his heartbeat to calm down as Hokuto’s fingers play with his bangs, occasionally brushing against his cheeks.  
  
”Your hair is getting long,” Taiga barely hears Hokuto’s words, too focused on keeping a lid on his own feelings, so he blinks and agrees weakly.  
  
”Yeah…”  
  
”You totally didn’t listen there,” Hokuto chuckles as he flicks Taiga’s forehead lightly with his finger. Those chuckles make his heart do somersaults and he’s afraid he’ll say something stupid if he tries to say anything. Thankfully, Hokuto keeps talking. ”It doesn’t matter, but you should keep it like this. You look good like this.”  
  
It’s all it takes for Taiga to feel his face turn red. His poker face working double to cover up how flustered he feels. He gets thousands of compliments everyday, he knows he isn’t bad looking. He’s trained to know he looks good, but one single handed compliment from Hokuto makes everything else indifferent.  
  
“This is where you say “thanks”, you know.”  
  
Taiga realizes he might have been silent for too long, as Hokuto has started to fidget with his fingers. He just smiles as he reaches out to push one loose strand of hair of Hokuto’s hair behind his ear.  
  
“Thank you,” It’s simple and earnest. He might mean more than just gratitude for the compliment, but Hokuto doesn’t need to know that. “You’re not so bad looking yourself.”  
  
It’s meant to come out as light and teasing, but too much honesty slips through in his voice. He can see Hokuto stiffen and he prays he isn’t kidding himself when he thinks Hokuto blushes as well.  
  
It feels like they’re stuck in a scene from a movie. Neither of them is moving, Taiga’s hand still hasn’t left Hokuto and they’re just so close. Closer than they’ve ever been alone.  
  
It feels like it should be so easy to close this distance, it wouldn’t even take a second, and overflow Hokuto with affection. Yet it is so hard to take that step.  
  


Through the weeks, he’s seen Hokuto slowly crawl out of the grey hole from his breakup. He’s not sure exactly what made Hokuto feel better, but he’s sure he isn’t imagining the extra attention he’s been given whenever they’re alone. Nobody bats an eye anymore whenever they’re left alone.  
  
At first, the had been slightly shocked that neither of them fled the scene when they were the last to leave, but it soon turned into old news, all too happy about them getting along finally. (Juri might have been the most visibly excited one.)  
  
As if they were on stage, following the flow of the song, they gravitate towards each other, eyes locked and for once, no one is looking away. Hokuto’s eyes drift closer as they both lean in, so slowly time might as well have stopped.  
  
There’s a hot breath against his own skin, making his heart rush like it does before concerts, like it always does before his plays. He’s ready for their lips to make contact, ready to dive into his sea of feelings, but it never happens.  
  
Hokuto’s phone rings, loud and clear, and the two of them still, harshly brought back to reality. They’re so close, noses almost touching, lips ghosting over each other as they hold their breaths. One more centimetre. Just one more.  
  
Taiga swears he hears Hokuto curse as he picks up the phone, drawing back from Taiga’s personal space. It feels wrong. As if the finally found missing piece of his puzzle went missing again. Hokuto’s back is the only thing he can focus on before he realizes his hand is still in the air. He closes his hand as he lowers it. So close.  
  


Just like an unfinished chorus.  
  


Hokuto apologizes as he ends the call, shoulders slumping and eyes focused on something outside the room. Taiga frowns as he sees how Hokuto clenches his phone tight, too tight for comfort.  
  
He knows what’s coming next — Hokuto’s going to turn around, say he’s sorry and leave. Like nothing happened. Like walking off the stage in the middle of a song.  
  
He’s up on his feet before Hokuto even turns around, closing the distance between them in barely two steps. Hokuto’s eyes widen, confusion and surprise showing clearly as Taiga puts his hands on the hand holding the phone.  
  
“Stay,” Taiga breathes out, voice failing him. He just knows he doesn’t want Hokuto go. Not now. Any other time would have been fine, but not now.  
  
The chorus isn’t over yet.  
  
He’s not sure what Hokuto sees in his eyes as they stare at each other, not even sure how long they’ve stood like this. He won’t let Hokuto go. He’s allowed to be a bit selfish, right?  
  
The grip around the phone loosens, and then Hokuto smiles softly.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Hokuto puts his other hand over Taiga’s, taking one of them as he moves to put his phone down on the nearby table, Taiga’s hands never leaving Hokuto. Neither of them says a word, but they both know. They’re back on track now, keeping up with the beat and slowly taking up the melody again.  
  
Taiga steps closer, squeezing Hokuto’s hands before reaching up to cup his face. He can feel the warmth from Hokuto’s skin, see every fine line across the other’s face. See all the hard work, all the exhaustion and aging. He knows all of this, he does, but seeing it up close is another story.  
  
“He doesn’t deserve you. Never did,” The words escape his lips before he can even stop them. The words he’s been longing to say, but never dared.  
  
Hokuto’s gaze crumble and a weak laugh fills the air. There’s a soft agreement somewhere between the laugh and a sniffle as Hokuto moves to wrap his arms around Taiga’s waist. Between them, there’s a silent conversation — how everything’s going to be okay, the world isn’t ending, and this is how it’s supposed to be.  
  


Building the bridge where it’s needed.  
  


They lean closer at the same time, foreheads touching and this time, their breaths mingle together in a different way than before.  
  
“I really want to kiss you right now,” Taiga whispers, tired of hiding.  
  
“Then do it you idiot.”  
  
Hokuto presses him closer, grasping at his shirt as their lips finally meet. Everything feels like it’s falling together, like all those empty holes disappear and light seeps through the dark. It doesn’t satisfy the burning needs he feels under his skin, but it’ll do for now.

  
  
He briefly thinks of his unfinished song on the table, how it only had the ending left to write. Right now, he thinks the song is fine as it is. He and Hokuto can write it together when it’s time. Their own ending to their song.


End file.
